Don't Let me Fall
by TheWriter67
Summary: After everything that's happened, Rachel finally has a breaking point. Tom decides it's time to sort things out. Tom x Rachel


She could feel them creeping around every corner, her demons closing in on her. If she let her guard down for a moment, day or night, her thoughts would quickly bring her down. Rachel Scott felt guilty for many things. Not forcing Michael to stay with her, all the deaths from the virus, not finding the cure in time, lying to the crew of the Nathan James, lying to Tom, failing to save Tom's wife, Quincy, and Dr. Hunter. The list could go on and on. Rachel couldn't rest anymore. Things were finally taking their toll on her. She barely ate or slept, and she never left her lab. Things were different after Baltimore. The crew acted differently. Tom was angry with everything, and she felt responsible for his anger. She didn't find the cure in time for his wife. Rachel herself was different. After Quincy died, she was left alone. She didn't have many people in her life that really knew her, and losing him was hard. The lab was quiet and felt wrong without him. Things only got worse from there what with the submarine carrying the chosen ones showing up. They had killed so many doctors including her mentor. Seeing his dead body was something she would have nightmares about for the rest of her life. Rachel looked up to him and now he was gone. Another person taken from her. She felt truly alone now.

… **...**

Rachel leaned against her sink looking at her reflection in the mirror. She had dark bags under her eyes and her hair was a mess. She hadn't slept in two days now, and it was showing. Bertrise had practically begged Rachel to stop working and rest. She could see that the woman was about to drop, and if Rachel refused to take a break, there was no doubt Bertrise would have gone to the Captain. Rachel didn't need that to happen. It would just be more stress for the Captain. So here she was, back in her room trying to take it easy.

"Just a few hours...I can do that..." She said to herself. Rachel slumped down onto her bed and laid down. She closed her eyes and pretty soon she could feel herself drifting off. Not even half an hour later, she bolted upright hitting her head on her bunk, gasping for breath. She looked around her room and tried to clam herself down. Once again her dreams led her to horrible places. This time it was aboard the Nathan James, and the entire crew had been infected. Rachel ran a hand over her face to try and wipe the memories away. When she brought her hand down, she saw blood. "Damn..." She got up and walked over to her mirror to see the cut on her head. It would need stitches for sure. She grabbed a towel and pressed it to the wound. Hopefully she wouldn't run into anyone on her way to Rios. Rachel opened her door and looked around. Nobody was around, so she quickly made her exit. Her steps were clumsy from the dizziness that had been brought on from hitting her head, so she kept her hand firmly against the walls to keep herself upright.

"Dr. Scott?" The voice made her stop dead in her tracks.

"Yes Master Chief?" Rachel asked as she turned around slowly.

"What happened?"

"Just hit my head is all."

"On what exactly?" He asked as he crossed his arms. Rachel sighed.

"My bunk."

"May I ask how?"

"I'd rather not talk about it actually. I just want to go get it stitched up."

"Let me walk you to the sickbay." He offered his arm for Rachel to take. She took it and they walked in silence. When they reached the sickbay moments later, Russ held the door open for Rachel.

"Thank you Master chief."

"Anytime Doctor. Just please be more careful."

"I will." Rachel smiled softly. "Could you please keep this between us? I don't want the Captain stressing out about me."

"I won't bring it up right now Doctor Scott, but he will find out soon I'm sure. You know how things go around here."

"I know and thank you again."

"Feel better Doctor." With that Russ walked away, and Rachel walked into the sickbay. Luckily it was just Rios in the room and nobody else. She was able to get the stitches without too much questioning. Rios gave her some painkillers and then she headed back to her room. She wasn't going to sleep, but it was better than sitting in sickbay too long.

… **...**

Tom walked into the lab expecting to see Rachel sitting at her desk, but was greeted by Bertrise reading a book alone.

"Where's Dr. Scott?" He asked. Bertrise looked up.

"She's taking a break sir."

"Oh..." In the time that Rachel boarded the ship, Tom had not once seen the woman take a break.

"Bertrise you should really go..." Rachel stepped into the lab and saw Tom. "Captain..."

"Dr. Scott."

"I should leave you two alone..." Bertrise said as she stood up and quickly made her exit. Rachel shifted on her feet. Tom could tell she was anxious.

"What happened to your head?"

"Bumped my head is all. Nothing more than a cut."

"Sit."

"I'm..."

"Sit Rachel." Tom pushed Rachel down into her chair and then he sat down on her desk. "Now what happened?"

"I hit my head on my bunk. It's fine." Tom crossed his arms. He knew there was more to the story, but he didn't want to press it. He had already snapped at her when they talked about what their mission really was, and he really didn't want to see the hurt on her face again.

"I know that neither of us are okay Rachel, but I need to ask you anyways. Are you okay?"

"I will be." Rachel said quietly. "How are you?"

"I'm getting there." Tom said honestly. He reached a hand out to caress Rachel's cheek. "We'll be okay."

"Tom..."

"Captain? Sorry to interrupt, but the XO asked me to come find you."

"Let him know I'm on my way."

"Yes sir." The sailor left, and Tom stood up.

"Sorry. I need to get back to the bridge. Talk later?"

"Of course Captain." Rachel smiled and Tom leaned down to place a gentle kiss on the bandage covering her cut.

"Please get some sleep Rachel." Tom wasn't blind. He saw how tired she was, and he knew that she barely took any breaks. It was just a matter of time until she wore down. He left the lab and shut the hatch behind him. Rachel let out a deep breath and curled up in her chair. Oh how she would love to get some sleep.

… **...**

Finally after five more hours of work, Tom was off duty and headed down towards the lab. He wanted to finish his chat with Rachel and hopefully get her to sleep. After Baltimore happened, he had not been able to speak with her like they used to. Too much had happened and everything felt different. Maybe he could get them back on track tonight. When he reached the lab, Tom found Rachel curled up on one of the cots. She looked uncomfortable, and like she was having a bad dream. He walked over to her and crouched down by her side. A small whimper escaped her and he knew he had to wake her before things got worse. Tom placed a hand on her shoulder and gave a gentle shake.

"Rach." He shook her again and she started to wake.

"No...Tom..."

"Hey Rachel wake up." Tom nearly jumped back when she woke up abruptly. She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. Her arms came up to wrap around them before dropping her head on top of her arms. He could hear her crying. It was painful to see and hear. "Shhh...it's okay. You're fine." Tom sat up on the bed and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm here for you Rachel."

"Captain?" She pulled away from him to look at his face.

"Yeah." He smiled at her and she started wiping the tears away.

"Sorry..."

"For what?

"You have enough things to worry about without me adding to it. I'm fine." Rachel pulled herself together and stood up. Tom frowned and stood up to face her.

"No you're not fine. Anyone with eyes can see that."

"Captain don't..."

"Don't give me that! Something's bothering you and I want to help. Rachel I'll always worry about you. I thought you knew how much I cared about you. Now what's bothering you?" He watched her wring her hands while she thought of what to say.

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"Mhmm..." Rachel ran a hand through her hair. "Just everything."

"I think we need tea for this one." He said in hopes of getting her to smile even a little. It worked, but only for a second. "Go to my room. I'll get us something to drink."

… **...**

He really didn't expect her to listen to him. He was so used to her putting up a fight when they talked about their feelings or what happened to be bothering them. This time though, Rachel obeyed him and slowly walked out of her lab towards his room. Tom went and got their drinks before heading to his room. When he got there, Rachel was sitting on his bed. She was staring at the wall in front of her.

"Hey." Tom set their drinks on the bedside table before shutting his door and sitting on the bed beside her.

"Hey." Rachel grabbed her tea and took a sip.

"Where do you want to start?"

"Promise this stays between us and that it won't be more stress for you?"

"Rachel I'll never tell anyone anything that you want to keep between us unless it involves the crew, and I'm fine. Stop worrying about me." Rachel nodded.

"I don't really sleep anymore. Every time I do, I have nightmares."

"What are they about?"

"Everything that's happened. How this all started, my family, the crew, you, this virus, watching everyone die, seeing all the hell that the world has become. There's just so much!"

"Is something triggering these dreams?" Tom asked quietly. Rachel shrugged.

"After everything that's happened...I have so many feelings and I just don't know what to do."

"What feelings?"

"Anger. Sadness. Guilt. All kinds of emotions." Rachel stared at the mug in her hands. Tom looked at her carefully.

"Why do you feel guilty?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does Rachel. I have a feeling that all these feelings, especially guilt, are making these nightmares show up. Now what do you feel guilty for?"

"Lying to you and the crew when this started, not finding the cure in time to save so many lives, Quincy and my mentor? Dammit Tom! I feel guilty about not being able to save your wife! I've had to watch you grieve and it's so painful. I wasn't fast enough..." Rachel choked on a sob. "You don't deserve that..." Tom grabbed her mug and set it back on the table before pulling her close to his chest. His vision became blurry with his own tears, but he wasn't going to let them fall. All this time Rachel had been blaming herself for Darian's death, and Tom had been blind.

"It's not your fault. We all did our best...you did your best Rachel. I'm proud of you and I know Quincy and Dr. Hunter are too. No one blames you for what has happened and..." He pulled them apart so that he could make Rachel look at him. "I don't blame you for Darian. There's nothing we could have done to stop it. You saved my dad and kids though Rachel, and I'm grateful for that. I'm sorry that you've been hurting this entire time. I'm sorry for yelling at you about the damn sub. I'm so sorry that I haven't been there for you like I was before Baltimore. I want us to come together again, and I want us to stop keeping secrets like we promised."

"Tom..." Rachel hugged him tightly and he hugged her back just as tight. "Thank you."

"I'm always here for you Rach. Lately I haven't been, but that's changing. No more running. If we're doing this, we do it together."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think it's about time." Tom smiled as he leaned down. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." With that, their lips met. Tom cradled Rachel's face gently in his hands while she placed her's on his shoulders. Tom pulled away slowly and looked at Rachel. She was smiling a genuine smile.

"I think we just sealed the deal." He grinned as Rachel laughed. "There's a laugh!"

"You're unbelievable Thomas Chandler."

"You love it."

"Maybe I do." Rachel smiled.

"Feel better?"

"Very much."

"Good."

"Can I sleep in here with you tonight?" Rachel whispered. Tom nodded.

"Always." That night Rachel slept safely in Tom's arms. She'd never felt so safe in her entire life. Maybe she wasn't as alone as she had first thought. Tom completed her.

 **AN: If anyone wants to talk about Tom/Rachel feel free to join the group on kik. It's called The Last Ship: Rachandler. Search #Rachandler to find us or just PM me to get my kik name and add me :D We're looking for more people who love Tom and Rachel!**


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